


Things Percy Jackson Not Are Good At

by themadtilde



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Drabbles, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, bad pickup-lines, some random silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5867944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadtilde/pseuds/themadtilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>percy might've saved the world a few times, but he's still an idiot. a cheeky idiot, if you ask nico.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Percy Jackson Not Are Good At

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so some sentences might seem a bit forced or strange.  
> I can't differentiate between American and British English - pants, trousers, soda, soft drink, holiday, vacation, gray, grey, shop, store - so please, just try to look past this.  
> This is set some time after Gaia's defeat with no real plot or anything.
> 
> UNBETAD. I correct mistakes as I see them, but I might've missed something.

**Percy Jackson is not good at being subtle**

 

"Nico!" Percy runs up to the sleepy son of Hades and pecks him on the lips. Nico's head is blurry and he feels the tiredness in his whole body, but the kiss makes him a bit more alert. It's an early morning at the camp and around them is chatter and laughs.

Nico repsonds to the kiss eagerly, but pulls back as soon as he remembers where they are.

"Percy!" he hisses. "Are you crazy?"

"What?" The son of Poseidon looks baffled, and he pouts at the interrupted kiss. "What's wrong?"

"We're in the middle of the camp, for freak's sake! Anyone could've seen us!"

Percy's confused look doesn't waver. "So what if they see us?" he asks, clearly not picking up. Nico groans in frustration.

"I thought we agreed not to come out until this weekend! It's Wednesday, Percy!"

"Oh" Percy's eyes clears in understanding and he blushes slightly. "Um. Sorry then."

  
  


**Percy Jackson is not good at coming out**

 

"So" Nico clears his throat and looks around in the circle. Piper, Jason, Annabeth, Leo, Frank and Hazel are huddled together on the floor in Percy's cabin. Nico decided to gather his friends in the Poseidon cabin, since his own was too dark and gloomy. 

(Percy didn't have a say in this matter. "How about I just kiss you on the roof of my cabin?" "Percy, we'll probably just fall off." "But if I use my water power and writes in the air: NICO DI ANGELO IS DATING PERCY JACKSON." "Percy, just no.") 

Said owner of the cabin sits next to Nico, whistling happily. 

Hazel looks at them with - not really understanding or realization, but more like she's guessing what's going on. Piper also has a secretive smile, probably sensing and guessing what's going on between Nico and Percy. Annabeth, too, looks confident, being Percy's best friend and all. Jason already knows what's happening and he smiles proudly at Nico, who glares and fidgets nervously. Frank and Leo, however, just stares uncomprehendingly.

"Why are we here?" Leo demands, looking at the others in the room. "And why are you all looking like you know what's going on?"

Annabeth, Piper, Hazel and Jason looks away, trying to act innocent. (Nico will have to discuss with them later about how acting innocent works.) Frank looks baffled. 

"I don't know" he said. "Hazel just told me to come, so I did." He shrugged.

"Hrm" Nico says again, gaining everyone's attention again.

Eyes on him, he blushes furiously, feeling their stares.

"So" he begins awkwardly, and thinks: 'damn Nico, you and Percy practised this! Just take it slow, and explain, and they will understa-'

"Nico and I are together" Percy says abruptly, as flippant as if he just has announced what he has eaten for breakfast or something.

Nico facepalms and groans, sending Percy a death glare. The boy only smirks back at him, green eyes shining.

Said people who knew of this - or at least suspected - only smiles slightly at them. 

"Well, congratulations" says Annabeth, smiling. "About time."

"Yeah" Piper agreed, "I've sensed something between you for a long time now."

Jason and Hazel doesn't say anything, but their proud smiles means enough. 

For a moment everything's perfect, before Frank says: "Wait, what do you mean with 'together'?" Everyone groans in exasperation and even Hazel closes her eyes and shakes her head. Nico blushes, but tries to explain. 

"We sort of meant it ..."

"Like this" Percy says, and then he's on his knees,leaning in to kiss Nico. 

  
  
  


**Percy Jackson is not good at playing fairly**

 

"I told you it was against the rules to use your water powers!" Annabeth shrieks when Percy drowns her in a waterfall from the sky. Piper and Leo are also wet from head to toe, and Jason's pants are dark blue instead of bright navy.

"But this is so much more fun!" Percy pouts, and with a flick of his hand, he sends a ray of water straight into Nico's face. His boyfriend splutters and falls on his back in surprise, looking like a drowned cat.

"What the - cough - was that for?" Nico gasps, spitting water. His shirt is now drenched and his hair's plastered to his face. 

Annabeth and Piper struggles up from their lying position on the ground, holding their shirts out. (Which Nico is thankful for, because wet, tight shirts on girls shows way too much.)

"I think we all know what this means" Annabeth says dangerously, glaring at Percy. 

The effect, however, is slightly lessened when she slips on the wet grass and hits the ground with a thud. 

"I'm fine" she says dismissively to Piper, who rushes to her side to help her up. She does, however, accept Piper's help and lets herself be pulled up. She directs her look to Percy, who looks confused.

"What do you mean?" he asks warily. 

Annabeth smiles.

"Revenge."

  
  


**Percy Jackson is not good at tidying**

 

"Where should this be?" Percy asks, holding up one of Nico's shirts.

Nico's currently deep inside the closet - pun intended - sorting  through his clothes. 

"Just give me it." Nico stretches an arm back and Percy hands him the shirt.

"I don't understand how you can keep your closet so tidy” Percy whines, and sits down on the floor. “I just throw my clothes in there in a huge pile.”

NIco peeks out again, and grins toothily. “Well,” he says, “I did spend an awful lot of time in there, you know.”

“What, in the closet?”

“Yeah.” 

It takes a few seconds for Percy to get the joke. When he eventually does, he starts cracking up.

“Maybe that’s why I’m so messy and unorganized” he sniggers. “I had no problem leaving the closet. I was barely in there.”

Nico can’t help but laugh.

  
  


**Percy Jackson is not good at telling puns**

 

“Hey there.”

“Hey, Perce.”

“Soo …” Percy trails off but grins mischeviously. Nico sighs and he just knows something’s coming up.

“What, Percy?”

“So … you know the alphabet?” 

“Percy, I might be dyslexics, but I do know how the alphabet goes.”

Percy glares at him. “Shut up, I’m trying to be funny here. I know, too, how the alphabet goes. But if I could rearrange it, I’d put U and I together” he finishes, smirking. Nico only stares.

“What?”

“I’d put U and I together” Percy repeats.

“Percy, you can’t rearrange the alphabet, and besides, we’re already dating.”

Percy sighs and sits down next to Nico.

“Very well. You must be tired.”

Nico stares again at the sudden change of topic.

“Well, you’ve been running around inside my mind all day” Percy grins. Nico facepalms.

“That’s like the worst pun I’ve ever heard” he says sourly. Percy only shrugs.

“But there must be something wrong with my heart, anyways” the son of Poseidon says. Nico looks at him. 

“Why?” he asks, half expecting another bad pickup-line. He’s not disappointed.

“It beats faster every time I see you.” Percy grins cheekily. Nico lets out a half-laugh.

“Okay, that one was a bit sweet actually. Still bad, though.”

Percy rolls his eyes. “I never expected you to actually like them. I just have one more to tell.”

“Shoot.” Nico stretches his legs in front of him, leans back on the grass and closes his eyes.

“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” Percy’s voice asks.

Nico cracks one eye open. Percy is looking at him, still sitting up.

“No, but I did scrape my knees when I crawled up from Hell” he replies bluntly. Percy actually gapes at that, clearly not expecting Nico to throw back.

But he recovers quickly and he winks when he counters with:

“That must be why you’re so damn hot, then.”

“I am not  _ hot,  _ Percy.”

Percy nods thoughtfully. 

“True. You’re drop dead gorgeous.”

“Get out before I punch you.”

 

**Percy Jackson is not good at rejecting flirtations**

 

The girl - Jessa, if Percy remembers correctly - has brown hair that falls down her back. Her eyes are blue and pretty, and she does look good. The thing is: 1) she stands far too close, 2) she acts way too much like a brat and 3) Percy prefers dark eyes, pale skin, a scrawny body and short, dark, hair that is as soft as a kitten’s fur. It’s a plus if the person happens to be a demigod and the son of Hades.

“And I heard you are excellent with your sword” Jessa continues. She's been blabbering about random shit for the last ten minutes. “Of course you are, saving the world can’t be easy! I have recently picked up the skill on howl to handle a sword … would you maybe care to give me private lessons?” She takes a step forwards, touching Percy’s arm. Instinctively, Percy backs away, frowning at her. However, she doesn’t seem to notice; instead she bats her eyelashes and twirls her hair between her fingers.

Percy notices it out of the corner of his eye; how the very tips of the blades of the grass turns a sickly gray-brown colour, but he doesn’t pay any attention to it. Not until the grass around them withers into nothingness in a perfect circle around him and Jessa, the small crumbs of the dead blades drifts away in the vague breeze, he reacts.

“Jessa, I think you should go.”

She frowns. “What? Why?”

Percy nods at the dead grass, putting his hands in his pockets for extra effect. It works.

Jessa gasps and backs away, holding her hands over her mouth.

“W-what’s happening?” she whispers, horrified.

_ A jealous son of Hades, is what’s happening,  _ Percy thinks. But he doesn’t say it out loud - instead he tells her to run.

“It might be a monster or something. You should run before it gets to you.”

“But what about you?”

Percy shrugs. “You said it yourself; I defeated both Kronos and Gaia. I think I’ll manage.”

Jessa doesn’t hesitate. She scrambles away, running towards the center of the camp.

Not until she’s gone, Percy turns.

Nico is leaning against a tree, looking sullen. Dressed in his normal clothes (aviator jacket, skull shirt, black jeans, his sword hanging by his hip), he glares after Jessa.

“You know, I always thought that I was the possessive one” Percy says, and Nico’s dark eyes flickers and he looks at Percy instead.

“What says we both can’t be?” he asks in a cold voice. However, the cool tone has no effect on Percy. The son of Poseidon laughs, takes a step closer to the boy and wraps his arms around him. Nico stiffens, but relaxes when Percy refuses to let go. Slipping his arms around Percy’s waist, he breathes in the scent of him.

“You really didn’t  have to kill the innocent grass, though” Percy murmurs against Nico’s ear, and he hears the boy snort.

“You’re worrying about grass, now Percy.” Percy shrughs lightly. “Grass is beautiful” he says thoughtfully, pulling away to look Nico in the eyes. The younger boy pouts, a very childlike thing you wouldn’t expect from the very grave and serious son of Hades.

“Even more beautiful than me?” he asks, pouting. Percy laughs, and tilts his head slightly, his lips almost touching Nico’s as he speaks.

“Never” he grins. “And I like this jealous side of you. I didn’t know it existed.”

Nico sighs. “Neither did I” he admits. “I mean, of course I’ve been jealous of you before, but I have never actually done something about it.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. She was getting annoying. And you didn’t turn her down.”

“I did!” Percy protests. “I was about to. If you could have waited a few more minutes with being jealous, I would’ve told her to …”

“To what?” Nico raises one eyebrow.

“To go date someone else,” Percy finishes lamely. Nico barks a laguh.

“That was the worst thing I’ve heard” he snickers.

Percy pretends to be hurt.

“Ouch, that was hard. Now you’re bullying me.”

“I’m merely pointing out your flaws” Nico counters.

“I think this relationship is unhealthy for us” Percy sniffs disdainfully.

Nico laughs again and pecks Percy on the lips, immediately brightening the son of Poseidon.

“Well,” Nico says, “you’ve neither been one to like to take your medicine, so I think this relationship is perfect to you.”

“Yeah” Percy says quietly, sounding more serious. “I think that, too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> The "I did scrape my knees when I crawled up from Hell" and "That must be why you're so hot then" came from Tumblr. No cred for that.  
> Lol the last "drabble" was longer than a drabble.  
> I'll edit more later, but it's late here right now and I want this posted.  
> Please leave kudos if you liked it. If you didn't like it, please point out what I should do better. Kudos and comments makes me happy! :)


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